Winter Break

So, I'm back in the Catskill region. My first semester at the Ranger School has ended; all of the finals have been taken, and now it's a time of rest.

I was supposed to stay at my father's house for the break. However, things aren't going quite as planned. My father (and the rest of my family, excluding myself) have a deep history of alcoholism. In a few conversations I had with him before the semester was over, in which we were planning my visit there, he told he had stopped drinking 'cold turkey'. I guess the naive little boy reared his head in for a moment, because I believed it. I had little doubt; at least one of my parents must have the strength and courage to fight off the shadow of alcoholism, right?

Well, I arrived there last night, and he was drunk. There were two very big bottles of vodka on his kitchen table, one was open and the other was empty. I tried to talk to him about it...I was respectful in my approach, but my disappointment must have shown. I asked him what alcohol brought to him, and why he felt he needed to drink. He ignored those questions, but then got angry and told me he didn't like me telling him what to do. The subject was changed- I called my brother and he came to pick me up, and I spent the night at his place.

I struggle to find the words to express the profound feelings of isolation and loneliness I'm experiencing. My mother is addicted to pills, my father to alcohol. The only person in my immediate family that has anything resembling sanity and self-control is my brother, but he's emotionally stunted to the point where he doesn't love deeply the way most family members do toward eachother. I feel like I've got no other human on which to depend on for anything. The only beings with me are the Lady and Lord.

Well, here's to a happy Yule anyway. I'll keep my mind on that.