Busy, Busy, Busy

The first week of the fall semester is over, and already all the students here are buzzing around like little bees, seeking out their assignments like the bees search for their nectar (and picking up stress, like the bees inadverdantly pick up pollen...). Most of the work is in Dendrology (my favorite class so far), with a lot of reading in surveying (which, so far, is rather complicated-- and we're just getting started...). Of course, we'll be burdened further with even more work to be done, when we get deeper into the semester.

This place is really strange, to be honest. There are a lot of lessons (both academic and spiritual) being thrown at me, from angles I'd never expect.

Take, for example, last night's bonfire.

Now, I've always known I'm not much of a social person. I've got friends, but not many. I always keep to myself, and I never really purposefully put myself in 'heavy' social settings, with lots of people and a lot of commotion. It's just me- I'm a natural reclusive. (My totem is, after all, the american red fox- Vulpes vulpes- a well known and adored recluse...).

So... a lot of the students decided it would be cool to have a bonfire near the ball field, to sit around together and just "bullshit". I was invited by two different people, neither of whom I really knew all that well (and I still don't). Against what I now know as my better judgment, I decided to go. 'I might not get another chance to socialize in such a setting this semester', I thought as I trudged my way to the ball field. As I approached, my senses were wrapped in the scene... I could hear their frantic and shared laughter, I could see the amber glow of the fire, and I could smell the smoke. As I got closer, I saw them all sitting in a big circle around the fire, and one of the people who invited me, Am, smiled and said "You made it!". In my (trademark) shy way, I responded; "Yes...I did. I'm here". She told me to "pull up a log". Of course, in all my sudden discomfort, I didn't. I just sort of stood there, listening to everyone talking. Talking about experiences they all shared, interests they all had in common. And I just stood there, unable to find anything I could relate to, at all. Eventually, Am noticed my silence and asked me if I was alright. I told her immediately I was, and that I was always this quiet. She acknowledged my response and jumped back into their conversation. After a while of feeling awkwardly out-of-place, I decided, once and for all, that social settings such as those are not my cup of Tazo tea. So I left.

I learned a lot from that painfully awkward experience. First and foremost, it certainly re-affirmed what I always felt, but never knew for sure-- I am NOT a social creature. Not so much as my peers, anyway.

I also learned shortly thereafter, that, while it may be an uncommon thing (such as my experiences so far tell me), it is not "bad", or "weird". I always thought so, which just fueled my discomfort in heavy social situations. But I've come to accept this part of me, which, ultimately, gives me the power to change it, if I feel it's necessary. (But, it isn't. Not yet.)

I'm definitely going to come out of this 10 month period a changed person. I've got a feeling I'll be stronger emotionally, mentally, and especially physically.