As fickle as the skies

She's confusing. One second she's so loving and open to telling me how she feels and expressing herself. The next she's so cold and pushes me away. One day we're talking like we're best friends, then the next we have no contact whatsoever.

"One day at a time", she says, but then completely ignores that in favor of trying to predict the future and saying "we won't be happy". If we're taking it one day at a time, why would she bother to try and guess that? If she loved me so much, why doesn't she just be with me, instead of focusing so much on what she might feel in the future?

She acts like I'm crazy when I have to ask her, and reaffirm certain things she says. Well, I'm not crazy. Like I said, she'll actually act like she loves me one day, but then the next she'll be angry/annoyed/short or something else toward me. She'll take something out on me, and, in my experience, when someone acts like they hate you its because they do. My point is, her actions rarely match her words. She says she's full of love for me, and wants to be with me. She makes it sound like her heart is a deep reservoir of abundant emotion for me. But she doesn't act that way, at all. Our friendship is arid. Dry.

All of this is brought on by the fact that, a few days ago, we had a conversation about our feelings for eachother. She kissed me.

Then today she told me not to be so lovey.

???

*sigh* I love her. She isn't a bad person, and I don't want to believe she does this on purpose. She's not, as far as I know, that kind of person. Sometimes I think it'd be nice if I was like her previous mate, where he apparently just sort of...saw through all of this, and stayed there for her. Apparently, he never complained. At least not to her.

I'm not like that. When someone hurts me, they hear about it. If they do it repeatedly, and they don't seem to care, or they blame it on me, I leave. And, it doesn't matter if I stood by her side despite all this. She wouldn't notice me or be with me anyway. I don't know if I should stick around. I don't even know if I'm wanted. If I asked her if I should leave, she'd just shrug and tell me to do what I felt was best. She would show no concern or opinion whatsoever.

As I've said to myself repeatedly... if she really loved me, she'd at least try and be with me. If she loved me, she'd honor those feelings and at least express them. But she doesn't trust me enough to express it, or perhaps doesn't trust herself to feel that way.

In any case... love, apparently, is not enough. I don't know what to do... I'm so torn. I don't want to stop feeling this way... I can't...it's too strong. I love her. It's true, honest, healthy love. I just don't know what she wants. If she could just...tell me...and stick to it...at least then I'd know what I have to do to make her happy.