Learning about Love from Nature

I've reached a bit of an epiphany.

Nature teaches me a lot of things. I observe, I meditate, and I understand.

One of Her lessons has taught me that nothing in the natural world spends more energy on something than it needs to. Energy conservation is top priority for all living things, (keep for the occasional stubborn human being).

I've applied this lesson to things with Ms. Star Enchantress.

During the break we talked every day, keep for one day near the end of the vacation. We were close.

Things have changed. The Fates have weaved our choices into the lives we live now, and, as it so happens, she doesn't have a lot of time for me. There isn't a lot of room in her life, and she doesn't have the desire and thus the ability to make that room.

So, we don't talk much.

When I first arrived back on campus a week and a half ago, I was struggling to stay in touch with her. I spent a lot of time and energy on the phone, trying to call her, sending her text messages, and generally putting a lot of effort (expending a lot of energy) into trying to establish a solid, reliable line of communication between us. I was under the impression we both wanted to stay in touch...to talk, and perhaps swim against the tides of life that would otherwise pull us apart.

While I was on the right track about the desire to maintain our friendship, I feel I was utterly wrong about us both wanting to "swim against". Sarah simply goes with the flow. Her time is not her own, and she gives away what little she has left to other interests.

So...there I was, working hard to stay in touch with someone who simply cannot. For whatever reason, she is unable or unwilling to work things out, to set aside time. So I've been wasting my time trying to force (despite my intentions) it to happen.

I'm only going to give out the time and energy she actually uses. I'm not going to send out the text messages in the morning/noon/night, because she doesn't respond. I'm not going to send the emails. Dial the calls. I'm just going to let things be. I'm going to contact her when I really think she can talk. I'm going to put in to match what she puts in. Give her the time and attention she wants, and uses. Nothing more, nothing less. That way, things are balanced.

That isn't to say I'm not here for her like I said I would be. It just means I'm not as present or as "around" when I obviously don't need to be; when things aren't focused on her and I.


I love her. I want us to talk a lot. I want it to be like it was during break- I feel that that's the "true" form of our friendship. But I cannot spare a lot of energy, given where I am and what I'm doing. Perhaps if her and I were able to keep in touch better, I would. If our relationship required more of my time, I would gladly offer it. But it does not. So I'm giving what it requires.