Yule '08

I'm now back on campus, and I'm just thinking on the events of the break.

My last post was at the very beginning of the break. A lot of stuff has happened since then.

I stayed at my brother's apartment for about 2 or 3 days, until I had heard that Lois and Bob left their place to visit Bob's parent's house for a week. Since I would have the place to myself, I decided to go there and spend some time alone, thinking.

The time alone was very nice. It was what I needed to get back in touch with myself, to remember who I am. I got to sort a lot of things out, especially the spiritual lessons I learned from my brief encounter with my father.

A few days into my solitude, an old friend of mine called me. I was surprised; I spent a few hours one night straining to remember her phone number. When I had finally given up, she called me. Synchronicity, anyone? Anyway, it was good hearing from her. She's always had a knack for calling when I need someone to talk to, even just for outside human contact. Her and I talked for a while...and the conversation started us up talking again.

She called me on a daily basis from that point on, and I feel we've established a good, strong bond over the period in which we talked. It does my heart good to have her in my life again... she was always very special to me, and I was never able to really let go of her. Something inside me simply refused to let go. And now, I think I know why, aside from pure, raw love- it knew I'd be throwing away the possibility for what her and I have now.

And I'm just thrilled to have her friendship again. I'm really honored to be in her life, and for her to be in mine. She's an amazing woman. She's an extremely giving person, and there's not a selfish bone in her body. She's also highly intelligent. Very warm and kind, and just so...authentic. She's just her, and she expects others to be themselves. She's real.

That was one of the highlights of the break. Definitely.

Other than that, I learned a lot about myself, merely by considering my blood relatives and their issues. I was able to identify parts of myself which would manifest subconsciously and thus effect my way of living and the way I'd interact with other people. I was able to just banish/phase out a lot of harmful ways of thinking...and the ones that I couldn't, I learned about them anyway and how I act because of them. One of the biggest issues I've got is fear. I'm afraid of...being abandoned. I guess that's no surprise, considering where I come from. But I really don't like the way this fear makes me act toward people I get close to. I took them out on a dear friend, and I felt like a fool afterward. Luckily, she's a forgiving person...