I feel that all I ever do for her is make her angry.

I'm not sure what it is, but I think it has to do with how I communicate my thoughts and feelings. I think I word things differently than she does.

I don't think she knows just how much I really do love and feel for her. I think it's because I do a bad job of expressing it. Like I said, all I do is piss her off. When she talks to me, she's usually sad/angry more than anything else.

It's maddening. I've got so much love for her. Yet all I bring into her life is sadness and anger and resentment. And I try not to. Its like I can't even help it half the time. I do something essential, like express how I feel, and somehow I screw it up or turn it into something it isn't, and I get her angry. It happens all the time.

I wish I could be a positive influence in her life. I wish I could help her, or at least be what she wants me to be and do it well, instead of just hurting her constantly. I love her so much but all I do is hurt her.

I fucking loathe myself most of the time. It's shit like this that makes it so. I can't fucking go one day without fucking things with her all up, and ruining any kind of rapport or harmony we make together.

I'm a fucking monster. I can't make this decision for her, but if it were up to me, I'd just not bother with me. I'm a fucking waste of her time and energy. I'm fucking useless. All I do is make her miserable. I hate it. Why kind of existence is this? What the fuck did I ever do to fucking deserve this? The woman I love more than life itself, and I can't even be around her without upsetting her. What the fuck do I need to do to change things? I've been through some transformations that would make a fucking Saint kneel before me, to make a "believer" out of the most pessimistic atheist; yet, no matter what I do, I cannot make the love of my life and best friend happy.

I may deserve this bullshit, but she sure as hell doesn't. I'm tired of having such a bad influence on her and her life. Fuck me, fuck my emotional baggage, and fuck this whole situation. I'm tired of it. Nothing I ever do is enough, so what the fuck is the point? I may be a great guy and all that horseshit, but it doesn't matter. She'll NEVER BE FUCKING HAPPY with me around.

This post would probably just fucking get her mad. Or make her upset.

I just don't know what to do anymore...